I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
