At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
