So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
