I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
