listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Let's paint friendship bongs
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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