A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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