I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
