i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
try to milk me bitch
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
