I'm so fucking centered right now
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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