Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
