he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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