i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
