i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
