I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
