Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
