You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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