It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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