Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Girls should come with a carfax report
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
