I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
