Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
