Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's no shave November. This is our time.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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