Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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