I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
did i just pee glitter
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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