im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
