Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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