Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
