I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
