your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
