capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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