Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I love you. Go after that dick
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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