Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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