I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
