it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I forgot how hot balto sounded
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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