swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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