'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's blow job season.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
