I murdered the dance floor call the cops
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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