You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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