Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
