Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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