Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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