it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
