Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
