shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
