I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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