I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
