He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
