Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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