everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
