He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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