oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
