thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
