oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
